So Relevant Magazine posted this for a laugh

And I was ready to be tickled off my feet! (That's not a saying Bek. You can't make up sayings)

Ok, well, whatever.

So Relevant Magazine (who i have a love/questionable relationship with) posted this:
Thoughts Everyone Has Secretly Had While Bored at Church
 You can find the link to it here.

I thought maybe I had these thoughts and was like 'oh yeah this should be funny.'
But though I agreed with some, all I saw were massive questions.
Why?

Let's go through the list shall we.

(intro is pretty funny. 5 stars for that)

Here are thoughts everyone has had while bored at church:

I hope my phone battery doesn’t die. Did I charge it last night?

I have to admit, I've haven't really had this thought. That's because I use a good ol' hardback. But I can see why many would have these thoughts.

Is the bass player’s amp even turned on? Seriously, I don’t hear him at all.


Um why do you need to hear him? I don't remember anybody in the Bible saying we need to hear the bass play, or any instrument play? Maybe just sing?

I’d feel pretty claustrophobic if I was stuck in that giant glass drum shield. I wonder how well she can breath in there? At least there’s that little fan

I don't even get this one? What is a giant glass drum shield? Why is someone playing the drums? Why is someone wasting time playing an instrument when they could be singing like God asked?
(Colossians 3:16; Ephesians 5:19; James 5:13; 1Corinthians 14:15; Mark 14:26; Hebrews 13:15; Hebrews 2:10-12)

This fog machine is giving me a headache. Oh no, what if I’m allergic to fake fog?

Why is there a fog machine? Do you not think there is better places to spend the churches money. Fog machines are literally so redundant man.

Did I set my fantasy line up yet?

I think this is an American thing, Not sure at all.

If I turn the brightness down on my phone, no one can tell I’m on Facebook not YouVersion.

I usually don't touch my phone during worship but I get the feels during bible classes when I leave my bible downstairs.

Various thoughts about lunch.
Amen.

Crud, Chick-fil-A is closed today
I ain't American enough for this

Maybe I'll go to Taco Bell. I just don't like that spiced-beef aftertaste I'll have to deal with all afternoon.

I ain't American enough for this too
Whatever happened to Quiznos?


I ain't American enough for this either

Is the guy next to me pretending to text during the “greet people around you” transitional time? Messed up, man.

Does he mean the gap inbetween service and classes? What a fancy name.

Are narwhals mythical? They can’t be real, right?

I think nothing here.

I’m pretty sure that PowerPoint slide has a typo. I should tell someone about that before the second service.

Yeah this one would bug me too man!

Never mind, that is how you spell "neighbor." Whoever came up with "i-before-e accept after c" rule has no idea what they're talking about.

So true!

Various thoughts about lunch.
Amen again

Hypothetically, if I folded the bulletin into an airplane, I think I could land it in the baptismal.

Ok yeah this is totally a thought.

Remember those foldable fortune-teller things? I wonder if I still remember how to make one

Not even joking, I think this at church.

From the looks of this mission’s display, there are a lot of variations of world flags.

Hmmm maybe we should invest in this.

Wow, Nepal has a cool flag. I didn’t even know that they were allowed to be non-rectangular. I wonder if there’s a law about that?

Yeah they have a mean as flag aye

Various thoughts about lunch.
Amen again also

Is he wrapping? One more point usually means he's launching like a whole new acronym.

This is deffo a tempting thought

I’m going to covertly look around during “every head bowed, every eye closed” time. No one will notice … Uh, oh, the pastor just looked right at me. We made eye contact.This is awkward. I think he thinks I was asking for prayer or something.

Is this the prayer? Are they praying? What is this?

I have no choice. I have to go forward.

I really wish I had been paying attention.

Oh boy, people are clapping while I walk toward the stage.

What is happening here????

Did I just volunteer to lead a missions trip?

Welp, looks like I’m going to Honduras.

I'm still hella confuzzled right now. But Honduras sounds cool.

Various thoughts about lunch.
I feel ya man.


Ok so, somethings were funny but somethings were extremely questionable. We need to go back to the bible in terms of our worship man.